9/21/2019
My dear Friend and President, DJT,
How was the gig last night? Vanessa Friedman at the NYT was surprised that Melania's dress was so bland. Was the food bland, too? To be honest, the Morrison's seem kind of bland. Apparently, SJM makes a mean curry which he sent to a shire called "Bland" last fall. They were trying to drum up some enthusiasm for their town since it's in the midst of a drought so they had a food festival with the slogan, "Bring Flavour to Bland." Turns out the whole thing was cooked up by Goose Island Beer as they were sponsoring the festival and planned to come to the rescue with their tasty brew. Isn't that sweet?
Too bad that the state dinner was sullied by reports of your ill-advised conversation with Volodymyr Zelensky (VOZ). I'm sure you regret asking him 8 times to look into Burisma. Poor VOZ! I'm sure he would prefer not to be distracted by this. He's got his hands full trying to run the Ukraine. You know how hard it can be for a TV star to run a country. I encourage you to hand over the transcripts of the call and see what happens. My mom told me, "honesty is always the best policy." I encourage you to give that a try.
Did you talk to SJM about all of the excitement around the Climate Strike? The kids showed up. Don't you think it's time to listen to them? I am embarrassed that I had to fly on the day when we were supposed to avoid business as usual. We're going to have to make some major lifestyle changes if we want to stop the build-up of carbon in the atmosphere. Having fewer babies will be the hardest of all, but I think that would make the biggest difference. If anyone on the planet could sell that idea, I think it might be you because you're not afraid to talk about sex and you're not afraid of offending people. Give it some consideration.
Speaking of strikes, those UAW strikers could use some love. Why not tweet them some words of encouragement?
I hope you get out on the links with SJM.
Best,
